ouch. or, why understanding satire is important to me.
i probably should be writing this from a hospital bed.
i went snowboarding for the first time in my life ever yesterday, and all i can say is "ouch"
i said a bunch of other things yesterday when i fell on my keyster somewhere in the neighborhood of 55 times
but for now, i will only say ouch
i've covered myself in tiger balm, which helps, and makes me all sorts of tingly as well.
speaking of things which are painful, how about people who don't understand satire?
Today, my roomates and I went to see Michel Gondry's latest offering, "Be Kind Rewind"
not quite a Jack Black/Mos Def buddy comedy, but close, and it was great.
full of Gondry's strange magical devices, the comedy worked wonders.
this wasn't quite a satire, but it started a conversation among my roomates and myself, we were talking about why better movies fail and worse ones succeed, especially when it comes to satire vs. parody (Idiocracy barely if ever made it to theatres while Meet The Spartans grossed millions)
it comes down to this: some most people just don't get it
I came across an article recently claiming that Barack Obama was being endorsed by the KKK. This was not framed as satire, or as a joke. In fact, the person reporting the endorsement said something to the effect of "it's so great that the KKK finally opened their minds up, maybe they're not so bad after all"
are you kidding me? this is the reason why blogging isn't taken quite as seriously as the "mainstream media" and why they still control most of the information dissipated to this day. a quick Google search will turn up the article in question, run by The Daily Squib (the UK equivalent of The Onion: a SATIRICAL NEWSPAPER)
satire
noun
the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and
criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of
contemporary politics and other topical issues.
So that there should be no confusion, the KKK is pronouncing death threats
against Barack Obama, not endorsing him, Jesus. I can take a joke just
as well as the next guy, but what really pisses in my eggnog is when
people don't get the joke. This isn't about being smart, or well read,
into or out of politics; it's about understanding sarcasm.
sarcasm
noun
the use of irony to mock or convey contempt
i know this all
sounds very condescending. it's meant to be. at this point i'm done
being nice (as if i ever made a real attempt anyway) frustrations with
humanity have sent me spiraling back to my high school days (musically), what
follows is one of the angriest playlists i could come up with. (to hear full tracks instead of the clips, in the bottom left of the player click "launch standalone")
which reminds me, most of these songs on here are high school throwbacks. i was really into the whole mosh/hardcore/emocore/whateverthefuckyouwannacallitcore thing. i AM from new jersey, after all. we built a culture from the ground up which ended up being co-opted by boys wearing girl jeans, eyeliner, and with stupid haircuts, you know the type:
something inside me still loves breakdowns and mosh parts. i don't get as jazzed as i used to about music, and i mostly listen to hip-hop/electronic shit these days. as i've previously said, there hasn't been a band that's really excited me in years, with the exceptions of Yeasayer, Joe Jackson, Feist, The Easy Star All Stars, Battles, Hot Chip and Bomb the Music Industry! There was a time in my life where i was buying a new record every other day and loving the shit out of it; not putting it down until i knew all the words, going to see the shows, and dancing my ass off.
coming soon: my personal musical evolution, guilty pleasures included.
Why does Led Zeppelin Suck?
ATTN Iggli: please don't fire me for what i'm about to say.
okay, obviously this doesn't apply to everyone
especially if you're over 40
but i swear to god, i will never, ever, understand why anyone likes this band.
have any of you ever listened to them?
or do you listen to led zeppelin like you read "Crime and Punishment"
because it's "classic"
bullshit, i say.
you don't fucking get it.
stop pretending you do.
and if you do, i challenge you.
explain it to me.
and don't bring all that bullshit like "oh my god Jimmy Paige is the god of the six strings"
fuck that
stairway to heaven sounds like the soundtrack to "Lord of the G-Strings"
and the lyrics are busted as well
"If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean for the May Queen"
fuck off, wanker.
this is something i've heard recently about everything from Plato's "Republic" to this garbage i'm forcing myself to listen in order to write this article:
"i don't personally like it, but i understand its influence and i see why it's important"
BULLSHIT
surely, there are people out there who actually like Led Zeppelin, odds are they're your parents.
and i know i'm being volatile, it's on purpose, because i simply will never understand why i'm called an idiot every time i claim that i hate this crappy band. it's possibly the case that everyone has been browbeaten into liking Zep, that no one genuinely likes this band's music, they just don't want to seem stupid by those who seek to humiliate anyone who refuses to go down on the big blimp.
I interviewed a friend of mine, and he gave me a nice little rant about why he thinks the Zep sucks more fat ones than Joey Fatone as well:
Zep sucks for a few reasons. Reason number one, because it's the most obvious, is Robert Plant. He sucks bigtime. His voice is annoying as all hell, and he shoved balled-up socks into his overly-tight pants so it looked like he had a tumor on his thigh. Second reason is John Bonham. It's not that he sucks; he just isn't the fucking drum god that every modern-day hippie idiot seems to think he is. Nothing sums this up better than to say that the same herb I know who called John Bonham amazing also said John Frusciante from the Chili Peppers was a great guitar player (dude's a third-rate Hendrix clone on a good day). That leads me to reason number three. While, objectively speaking, Zep don't completely suck and do in fact have a handful of decent stuff, the sheer number of people who think they're brilliant makes them inherently annoying. A big part of why I fervently hate that band is to compensate for all the people who could finish off a box of tissues jerking off to Jimmy Page dancing in his douchy dragon pants. Look at that: reason number four. Jimmy Page is a sloppy, mediocre blues player. While he has merits as a writer, as a soloist, the dude's a fucking hack. That being said, plenty of his songwriting is seriously stupid and self-indulgent. Kashmir, for example, would be a decent song...if it were three minutes long instead of nine. Bonham doesn't help on that one either, as he plays the same shitty beat throughout the entire fucking song.
My favorite citation as to the true shittiness of Zep is Heartbreaker. One big, dumb riff that he just keeps transposing up and down the fretboard: that's every single chorus of the song. The verses are two chords alternating back and forth; the fucking Sex Pistols could have done more with that little. AND THE GUITAR SOLO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SONG IS JUST JIMMY PAGE NOODLING SLOPPILY WITH NO DRUMS, BASS, OR HARMONY TO SALVAGE IT FROM ITS OWN INHERENT SENSELESSNESS. It's easily one of the straight-up dumbest songs I've ever heard.
To sum it all up, Zep suck because they were pompous assholes who wrote obnoxious attempts at grandiose, epic songs and portrayed themselves as fucking sex gods. It seems that their justification for the arrogance was their assumed talent, which, frankly, was questionable at best. When a mediocre band thinks they're incredible and has a fucking legion of gullible dudebro fans who agree, you can't help but hate them. In conclusion, I realize that pretending to like Zep is a good way to get wannabe hippie girls to fuck you. However, Zep suck so bad that, in spite of my fondness for said girls (at least appearance-wise) and raging, heretofore unquenched libido, there is no way in hell I would ever flush my pride down the toilet by suggesting that I like Zep.
BAM!
There's even a facebook group that agrees with me! (7 members strong so far!)
From said facebook group:
Question: Did Led Zeppelin write "Dazed and Confused"?
Answer: No
Fact: Jake Holmes wrote it and the song appears on his 1967 album The Above Ground Sounds of Jake Holmes
Question: Did Led Zeppelin write "Whole Lotta Love"?
Answer: No
Fact: The song was originally written by blues legend Willie Dixon, who is more known for his songwriting than anything else (see: Back Door Man, Red Rooster, and countless other Chess Records Songs). Muddy Waters originally performed it, when it was called "You Need Lovin'." The Small Faces cover it on their self-titled debut album from 1966, turning it into a garage rock tour de force. Led Zeppelin took the Small Faces cover, added a 2 minute nonsensical percussion solo, bombastic overdubs, unnecessary guitar solos, and even directly stole Steve Marriot's vocal delivery! And no, they don't give credit anywhere, and were sued by Willie Dixon for not giving proper songwriting credit.
Question: Did Zeppelin write and perform "Stairway to Heaven?"
Answer: Yes
Fact: That alone should have gotten them all sent to jail for writing one of the most overrated songs in music history.
P.S. - don't get angry about this, i'm mostly kidding, but for real, i personally don't like this band at all, if you enjoy them, good for you, seriously. but don't tell me i'm stupid or i don't understand or whatever, simply because i'm one of the few people that haven't been tricked into liking this trash.
P.P.S - I do like one Zep Song, FOOL IN THE RAIN! EAT THAT!
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